As some of you know, my kids and I have been counting day the days till school starts. It's not that I don't love my kids and love the fact that we can be spontaneous together, it's just that there is only so much you can do with 5 kids everyday and try and keep them entertained! All the usual tricks just aren't working anymore. So point number one, Tuesday is a blessed, blessed day for me.
Point number two. An update on me. Well, I had a really hard time this past week. You can call it hormones, and probably a lot of it was, but I had some pretty hard days, Thursday in particular. I happened to be the eve of the three month anniversary of my daughter's passing, which in and of itself is difficult to deal with. I won't go into nitty gritty details, but I just had a hard time with every aspect of my life. Then Friday rolled around and I seemed to be able to handle things a lot better. I don't know why things hit me so hard out of the blue, but I guess that's just the way it is. It seems that I have more good days than bad days, which is nice, but when I have a bad day, it's a REALLY bad day. I just can't function. I feel really bad for my kids, because I am really just not all there. I really don't want to ask for help because I have been helped so much already. I guess in a nut shell, I have been keeping myself so busy I can hardly breathe, and I am getting tired. I think it all came to a head on Thursday. My next little light that I have to look towards is school starting.
I am sorry that I don't have any fun pictures to show, and that I am not entirely upbeat, although I feel relatively okay at the moment. You know, it's just hard. Plain and simple. If I could heal any quicker I would.
7 comments:
One step enough for me.... Hang in there, Bub..
Love ya!
School already! Wow, that was a quick summer.
We have those really bad days all the time around here lately. It makes the happy moments that much more special, just because they stand out so poignantly. We just try to savor every happy moment we get and count our blessings through the tears and that helps get us through our extra rough patches.
Healing will eventually happen, but the timeline isn't up to us (darn it!). :-) It's OK not to feel OK or be entirely upbeat. Healing will happen on its own and you'll feel it when it does. Know that you'll be healed with God's perfect timing.
27 days until the cruise.
27 days until the cruise.
27 days until the cruise...
You are loved by many and we are all there to help you when you need it. Please call if I can do anything for you! You are in our families prayers too.
Bec, my dear sweet friend! I love ya, hang in there! Like Valerie and your song say, One step enough for me.
Well, 27 more day and I get to come and spend a week with the kids, I am looking forward to it! I can't wait to hang out with them and play with them!
I am sorry things have been busy over here and we didn't get to get together before school starts.
You are the best and if there is anything I can do, let me know.
God Bless and if I don't see you before I come up to watch the kids, just know that I love you and my thoughts and prayers are with you.
You definitely can't rush things like that...wouldn't be natural. It's got to be so healthy to be sad and feel your way through this!
And can I just say...school cannot start SOON enough at my house either!
Nobody expects you to "heal" and quite honestly, you never will. What's great and aweful about all of this is that you will never be the same...it hurts something fierce, but it can also bring you great joy to know your PERFECT little lady is waiting for you. It's a beautiful plan and although it hurts as we go through our earthly lives, the peace we will feel to see our babies again will make the pain seem small. Take the time you need for yourself now and always...you will find(at least I did) that you will have hard days years down the road...it's just part of the plan...but what's nice is that even when they are hard, it's a time that you get to remember and think about her and you will begin to appreciate those hard moments for that reason. When I am having a tough day thinking about my Logan...I usually end the day grateful that he was on my mind and very aware of how CLOSE he was at that moment. This is all just a big ramble and I apologize...I just wanted to tell ya that I love ya and am ALWAYS here for you...as are so many others!!
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