Agghh.... I have started and restarted this post over and over again. I have so much material that I could be posting since you probably have noticed it has been a while since I have posted. I fear that if I keep posting all of these happy-go-lucky posts that I have somewhat covered up the turmoil that still comes and goes in my heart. I promise my blog will not become a pessimistic, down-feeling blog! I will post all the material that has backed up while I was on my blog strike! Please just bear with me.
I had a really tough week. I still appreciate any prayers you can send my way. As much as I want to say that I am really making progress to having complete acceptance I get knocked back down so quickly! I know life isn't easy for everyone and that I am not the exception to the rule. I am sorry that this continues to be the common thread throughout my blog. Thank you for staying with me and all of your encouraging comments. It does my heart well when I hear your continued support.
A special thanks to Kristy and Linda for the selfless service in taking my children last week. You have no idea how much that was needed and appreciated. Even on the "bonus" day that I didn't expect to get on Friday was a blessing. I was able to take a quiet moment while I was sweeping the floor for the millionth time, listening to my most favorite CD right now, "The Sum of All Grace" by Mindy Gledhill and thoughts just started pouring into me.
I realized that throughout my life, I have used the Atonement of Jesus Christ to repent of the things that I have done wrong. I know that that power is real. I have felt the power of forgiveness. I haven't taken advantage of the power of the atonement in a different way. And that way is that of taking my sorrow. Whenever I think of the atonement I think of repentance, not because of a circumstance out of my control. I am still trying to figure out how I can utilize it to the fullest, but it gave me something to work towards. It gave me a light at the end of the tunnel, when before I was swirling around in darkness, not knowing when I was going to be spun out of the ever encircling grief. I am grateful for the stepping stones that Heavenly Father puts out for me when I calm myself to see them.
4 comments:
You can title your post "A Day In the Life of A Real Person".
I love you, Bub! Somedays it is a victory to just tread water!
I love that, Valerie, you couldn't have said it any better, it is definately a victory to just tread water somedays!
Rebecca, you can be upbeat or in a funk as much as you want and pour your heart out...no one will think you are complaining. I feel that your blog is my only way right now to lend an ear since I'm in another country. Let it out when you need to! I know you'll feel better after doing so!
Hey! I am glad that we got to have Emily over. You should have seen how stinking cute the girls were playing dress up all morning long. Heck, it made my day easier too because they totally entertained each other. You know I was thinking after I chat...I don't think that it isn't normal to think you are doing fine and then be at your very bottom low again, I think it is all the grieving process. I think it would be not normal if you were all happy all the time. Hang in there, you are so strong spiritually, and Heavenly Father is always there for you. He loves you and so do I!
I love you Becca, you are so beautiful and special. I know you will find peace again, this time of healing and recovery will only be temporary. You needn't ever feel like you need to act or be a certain way for anyone if it is contrary to how you really feel. Hang in there, you are in my constant prayers.
-Julie
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